SEXUAL ADDICTION - The Problem and Solution for Women

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As women, sexual addiction is unique. Our behavior ranged from sex with self,

phone sex, cyber sex, and pornography. We engaged in promiscuity, illicit

relationships, and multiple-adultery. For some of us it was exotic dancing, escort

services and prostitution. We used our bodies, intentionally dressed provocatively,

and performed for others, creating an illusion that gave us a false sense of selfworth.

We were addicted to the intrigue, the tease, and the forbidden. We

jeopardized our relationships, jobs, morals and values; we even neglected our

children. All the while, we rationalized our sexual behaviors. We asked ourselves,

“What will a little fantasy hurt,” or “What they don’t know, won’t hurt them.”

As we lived a double-life, we became disconnected from reality making true

intimacy with another impossible. We carried this behavior from relationship to

relationship and even into our marriages.

Why? We were running; running from love; running from pain; pain from

shame, self-hate, and multiple forms of abuse. We lacked self-worth and feared

intimacy. We tried to connect; we tried to escape. We felt abandoned. We had a

need to be in control and have power over others. Spiritually, we were bankrupt.

We have learned to numb our feelings and to cope with our inadequacies by

reaching out for a cure that would ultimately destroy us. This unhealthy

belief system was not in line with the plan God had for our sexuality.

Sexual addiction is progressive. It can begin as a little flirtation or a

“curiosity.” When we cross a line, it sets us in motion to cross the next line more

easily. Ask the adulterer, ask the prostitute, ask the slave to the Internet, “When,

how they started, and how it ended.” We’ve asked ourselves, “How did we get

here?” Sometimes, we don’t even remember why we started acting out in the

first place. We tell ourselves that the next sexual act will be better and more

lasting, but it never is.

Eventually, our behaviors resulted in losing relationships, our marriages, jobs,

and material possessions and in some cases, our children. For many, the risks of

sexual transmitted diseases (STD’s) are now a reality. And finally, we hit a bottom.

There is a void that we haven’t been able to fill with fantasy, sex or lust.

• Commit to Jesus Christ and the 8 Recovery Principals.

• Form an Accountability Team: Sponsor, Accountability Partners.

• Attend Women’s sexual addiction (SA) Open Share and Step Study Group.

• Commit to a daily quiet time in The Life Recovery Bible.

• Read SA materials. Learn about your addiction!

• Identify triggers.

• Avoid cross over addictions—food / eating disorders, alcohol / drugs.

• Avoid people, places, and things that tempt your addiction.

• Understand the root of each core issue you identify with and become

willing to experience grief, forgiveness, and acceptance.

• Accept God’s standards for sexuality.

• Allow God total access to our minds (thought life) and through the

program and change your belief system towards your sexuality.

Sexual Addiction—Breaking It Down

with self (masturbation), sexual thoughts/fantasy, pornography, promiscuity,

internet chat rooms, internet cyber sex, phone sex, internet affairs,

exhibitionism, exotic dancing, serving as an escort/prostitute, couple

swapping, non-committal in relationship, dressing provocatively, sexual

encounters/sexual relationships with other women (homosexuality),

relationships with both men and women (bi-sexuality), secret double life,

high-risk behaviors/situations.

the desire to be lusted after, control and power, anger and rage,

rebelliousness, selfishness, extreme justification, lack of accountability

(blame game), resentments, revenge, self-centeredness, self-destruction,

intimacy, fear of commitment, false self-image, self-hate, lack of selfworth,

low self-image, need to control, lack of nurturing, escape,

loneliness, guilt, shame, spiritual void.

abandonment abuse (physically/emotionally).

1. Keep your sharing focused on your own thoughts and feelings. Limit your

sharing to three to five minutes.

2. There will be NO cross talk. Cross talk is when two individuals engage in

conversation, excluding all others. Each person is free to express his or her

feelings without interruptions.

3. We are here to support one another, not “fix” one another.

4. Anonymity and confidentiality are basic requirements. What is shared in the

group stays in the group. The only exception is when someone threatens to

injure themselves or others.

5. Offensive language has no place in a Christ-centered recovery group.

Sponsor: ______________________________________________________________

Accountability Partners:

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